On February 14th, Valentine's Day, or St. Valentine's Day, is celebrated almost worldwide. It's a day to celebrate love and romantic relationships; however, it's important to remember that not everything is "love or a bed of roses," and this concept cannot be an excuse or justification for abusive behavior.
According to APAV (Portuguese Association for Victim Support), "dating violence occurs when, in the context of dating relationships that may be more or less serious, one of the partners (or even both) resorts to violence in order to place themselves in a position of power and control," and can be a one-off or continuous act, and can exist in relationships of any age.
It is important to highlight that violence in relationships is not exclusive to adult relationships, married couples, or those living together; it sometimes begins to develop from the first romantic relationships in adolescence. It is through these early relationships that young people learn behaviors and expectations about romantic relationships, which serve as a "mold" for future relationships and can influence their perception, self-esteem, and sense of identity.
Therefore, it is important to have early education and prevention in the different contexts of young people, from family to school, so that they learn to identify and report abusive and reprehensible behaviors and are also able to leave these relationships.
These may be of origin verbal (humiliation, criticism, threat); psychological (various forms of control, manipulation, blackmail); social (promoting social isolation and public humiliation); physical (shoves, punches, slaps); sexual (coercion to engage in sexual relations or forced caresses). It is important to emphasize that none of these forms of violence is a "manifestation of love," and often the victim is unaware that they are dealing with one of these situations, starting with minor and subtle incidents that then snowball.
Furthermore, for those going through these situations, it's not easy… sometimes people feel ashamed to admit what they are going through, afraid of the abuser, afraid of being blamed or discredited, or even lonely (often caused by the social isolation they were forced into), unable to get out of these situations or report them. That's why APAV provides free, anonymous, and confidential support.
If you are a victim of any type of violence in your relationship, or know someone who is, it is essential to seek help and report it – dating violence falls under the legal framework of domestic violence crimes, as it is a public crime and a matter of collective responsibility.
Below are some contact details you can use. In addition, we have our Psychology Service available, located within our Taipas Termal Mental Health and Therapy Unit, which you can contact if you are experiencing, or have experienced, one of these situations.
– Information Line for Victims of Domestic Violence: 800 202 148
– Victim Support Line: 116 006
– Portuguese Association for Victim Support (APAV): 707 20 00 77 or apav.sede@apav.pt
– National Emergency Line: 112
Dr. Telma Gomes – Mental Health and Therapy Unit
